Friday, August 16, 2013

Struggles. Everyone's got em'.

This week wasn't so great. At all. Not only did I get into SEVERAL disagreements with my mother (who doesn't) but it was a sucky week at work too. :/ 

Tomorrow is our ward temple trip, and even though I should be excited to go, I'm not. Why? Because the fight my mom and I got into was about her name being on some "website". That website just happened to be family search. So she made me take it down, naturally. I should say I'm disappointed, but honestly, I don't want to have anything to do with my family right now so I don't care. Maybe in 70 years I will feel differently but for right now... Yeahhhh no.

So I told one of my best LDS friends yesterday and she couldn't believe it. Of course her family is LDS and it would never happen to her. She didn't understand that my mom doesn't understand the blessings of family history work. Otherwise obviously she would have let me keep it on. I told the sisters and they didn't even believe I COULD. But again that's because they probably never have had to! 

So...I deleted them. And just like that they are gone. Just as they wanted. It's almost a more accurate picture of my family because I don't have a relationship with them anyways.

I would give anything to belong to a family that cares for me as much as I try to care about them. Sometimes (all the time) I wonder why Heavenly Father placed me into the family I was put into. Why he didn't just leave me in the foster care system. Then I remember His plan and His reasonings are much greater than I can comprehend at times. But there was a plan. And there is reasoning. 

I know that I am a royal spirit daughter of Heavenly Father. But honestly it's hard sometimes to remember that when my life keeps rolling like it is. Sister Smith told me a story in which she was going through a rough time getting her footing in ballet, and felt miserable. Her ballet teacher told her that whenever she felt that way, she looks into a mirror and tells herself: "I am beautiful." So that's what Sister Smith does when she feels low. Honestly when she told me that I laughed. Then the Sisters got mad because they thought I wasn't taking it seriously. That's because I couldn't, and I thought it was dumb, even though I understand the logic behind. Through everything I go through, every trial that I face, heartache I endure, struggle I encounter, I am a beautiful spirit daughter of my Heavenly Father. He will never leave me nor forsake me. 

I have to remember to stand firm on those beliefs. Maybe someday I will get to the point where I can say those words out loud. But for now, just remembering this is getting me through.

Have a good weekend everyone!


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